Finding Meaning in Grief: A Tribute to My Grandad

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison

This blog is inspired by a recent one written by my brother, which I reposted not long ago, where he details the struggles relating to love and loss.

So, these are my thoughts on grief, and the shared loss of our Grandfather.

I was fortunate to never have lost anyone before my Grandad passed, I made it all the way to 22 without having to confront grief. But as expected, that was never going to last. So, on the 27th April 2024, life took my Grandad from us. It was a death that was expected – but still, nothing could have prepared me for his passing.

The grief hit hard.

To be totally honest, I began grieving on the last day I saw my Grandad alive (the day before he passed). I knew from looking at him, that this would be the last time I see him as my Grandad, and the last time I held his hand. There really isn’t a feeling like it. It’s a feeling of deep despair – knowing there is nothing in your power that you can do to prevent the hurt that is to come. All you can really do is cry. It was the first time , since being a little girl, that I’d held my Grandad’s hand, and I like to think he knew it was my way of saying I love him, without having to use words.

Once he passed, as expected, I cried some more. I began torturing myself; constantly reminding myself of the good man my Grandad was, and how much he influenced me growing up – knowing now, that despite watching Say Yes to the Dress every Saturday with him and Nan, that he’s never get to see me walk down the aisle – his only Granddaughter. I am somewhat comforted though, by the fact that he explicitly put my inheritance aside do he could be the one to buy my wedding dress. Knowing he was the one to make me feel beautiful on of the most important days of my life, is what makes me believe he will be there in spirit. Something, that I now can only hope – which is a curious thought, as I’m not a spiritual or religious individual. Although, maybe I am now?

I think it’s only natural to seek signs of our loved ones who have passed. I know I look for signs of my Grandad every day. Whether it be in a robin that lands in the garden, a certain flower I see on a walk, or seeing the same blue VW Polo that he once drove.

I sympathise with anyone experiencing grief – it really is a terrible experience, and one that you never really become accustomed to. I just hope it gets easier with time.

So, here’s to you, Grandad. May your legacy live on.