Why it’s Important to Date Yourself

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?” – Ru Paul.

Even in this day and age, I believe there is far too much stigma around spending time with yourself. Now, I don’t mean just being alone, I mean really taking the time to date yourself.

What I mean by ‘dating yourself’ is rather self-explanatory, but here’s some pointers.

Dating yourself could involve:

1. Grabbing a coffee before work.
2. Going for an autumnal stroll.
3. Driving alone with no real destination.
4. Visiting a cinema, or restaurant alone.

I understand that some of these tasks can seem daunting to do without company. I sympathise with this completely, as even I haven’t plucked up the courage to go to a cinema or restaurant by myself – but it’s on my to do list.

It’s another one of those little journeys we should take when we are trying to better ourselves. Afterall, you can’t really understand somebody else without spending time with them – so why is it any different when it comes to ourselves?

You might discover during these dates, that your music taste has changed, or that you have an ever growing passion for writing and love visiting the local coffee shop to jot down all your thoughts. It could even be the simple things of reading a book, and allowing yourself to express aloud how the story is making you feel (making annotations works just the same too!).

I truly believe that the more time we spend with ourselves, not only do we learn more about ourselves, but we learn to love ourselves in a different way too. We learn the simple things we may have forgotten; how much we enjoy reading, how a song brings back a memory, or how therapeutic shopping can really be.

I believe without these little ‘self-dates’, it’s easy to become stuck in a rut of not knowing who we are or who we want to be.

Now, I don’t expect this to come easily to everyone, because it definitely took me a little getting used to.

For those who have followed my journey, you will know that I suffered a major lapse with my mental health last year, to the point where I became home-bound. It got to a point where I found it challenging to leave the house even for a 20 minute walk. I couldn’t even walk to the doctors myself. It even got to a point where I’d have to ask my partner to sit in the bathroom with me as I showered, because I was that anxious and paranoid of something terrible happening to me while I was alone.

Long story short, I understand completely how daunting it can be to start expanding your boundaries and spending time with yourself – especially for those with social anxiety. But I promise you, just like most of my tips, it gets easier with time, and before long, you’ll be like me, doing it and feeling free.

So, here I sit, in a Costa Coffee, hot chocolate in hand, and writing to help others. And not only am I doing it alone – I’m enjoying it.

Take time for yourself. It’s truly an underrated way to love yourself.

Who knows what you might learn?